Baja Ponchos.

EVERYONE knows what I am talking about here. For $10-15 you can go to a fair and pick up one of these beauties. The MOST beautiful piece of redneck clothing one can buy. This shit is better than Old Navy. This super-flattering jacket/hoodie/poncho is great for every day use, comes in many colors, and can be seen on many rednecks and hippies throughout the world. These may have had a place back in the late 80’s – early 90’s… but where do people keep finding these things? I see them from time to time, and can’t help but wonder if it is one of the vintage ponchos from back in the day, or if someone actually thinks it is a good idea to continue to manufacture these for mass consumption. And then, someone goes out and purchases one? Did the old one wear out? I find that hard to believe. I guarantee that this will last 30 years longer than any piece of clothing that comes from old navy. Let’s hope most people realize how disgusting these things are and they throw them away before they get that old.

Peanut Butter Knife.

We all know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich by this point in our lives. You pick your favorite bread, add your peanut butter to one piece of bread and jelly to the other. Slap those bad boys together and you get a damn good snack.

BUT… there is a method to application of the peanut butter and jelly. (There is a reason they don’t say a “Jelly & Peanut Butter” sandwich) The peanut butter goes on one slice of bread…FIRST! Once you have applied the peanut butter, you then use the other slice of bread to wipe the excess peanut butter off the knife before dipping into that jar of jelly.

There are two reasons:

• Peanut Butter doesn’t just “RINSE” off of the knife like jelly.
• Leftover bits of jelly don’t belong in the Peanut Butter Jar, which I have seen far too often!

Go ahead and dip into that jar of jelly now. After applying the jelly, you can easily turn on the warm water and rinse the knife – instead of just lazily dumping a knife full of peanut butter into a clean sink for someone else to clean up later.

If you get really good at your jelly application, you can smear the jelly on just right… when you pull the knife off the bread it will be (almost) completely rid of any peanut butter OR jelly. Much less clean-up later.

Now, I hope I have saved someone out there a few moments of their life, either on knife cleanup, or arguing with someone about who left the knife full of peanut butter in the sink.

In the midst of all this sandwich making, you glance down into the sink and see some random accumulation of old cereal, lettuce pieces or scraps from a rinsed plate filling up the sink strainer, feel free to empty that in the trash while you’re there. That shit is just nasty and it begins to stink.

Come on, Apple.

 

Now there are 12.

This is terrible. Apple finally agreed to absorb the cost of the monitor, and charge me the “service” fee of $329.00 for the LCD replacement. But still, its THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY NINE DOLLARS….I spent almost $2,900 dollars on this computer only 2 years ago. This is an issue that should be recalled, due to all the folks with the same problem. I mean there is a website devoted to logging the hundreds of  cases of these people who are unlucky enough to have gotten one of these machines, which were made within the same 2 month window from the exact same factory. Apple keeps pulling forum threads and covering it up hoping we all go away or buy a new machine. And eventually I will. But right now I am trying to make extra money to pay for the services on my phone bill due to the new iPhone ( which became the latest obsession )   let alone budget for a new computer. Although, those new MacBooks are pretty sweet…and who knows what they will release at MacWorld in a few weeks. I am one huge fan of Apple, and everyone I know is aware of this. I have convinced MANY to purchase Apple, and will continue to do so. They are “sort of” helping me out on this… but it would be nice if they just took care of their loyal customers who are suffering due to a manufacturing defect. See the whole story here http://www.toomanymorons.com/news.html#17inch  Come on Mr. Jobs…. help us out. 

PVC Framed Religious Signs

These things are absolutely ridiculous. Let’s put a sign with a long religious message in our front yard. But wait… we need to make it out of something that would look nice. Oh Yeah, PVC Pipe is real classy. And with those black sticker letters, I am sure people will take us seriously, as they drive by and read our religious message that isn’t even in modern english. I would love to put a sign in my front yard about how I don’t like religious signs. Maybe a few signs with my opinion on them. Maybe a sign or two about how effed up our president is… or a sign to tell my neighbor that his dog is a barking piece of shit.

Seriously, where does it end? Religion is fine. Do your thing. Practice it in your churches, pray next to your bed, wear crosses, put up pictures in your house, just leave it out of the front yard. If I can’t express my views in my front yard without people freaking out, why should you be able to post religious views? What if someone were driving by- and they actually READ your sign, and because there are like 40 words on it, they tried to take it all in, lose concentration, veer into oncoming traffic, hit another car, or maybe run into a tree because of the distraction? How would that be? Take these pointless, ugly signs down. Seriously. I mean, they don’t even look nice. Do you honestly look at that and think to yourself “yup.. that is just what i was going for?” Say it isn’t so.

OK… this is just too weird. AS I am typing this, I get a knock on my downstairs door.

Go down to see who it is…It’s two Jehovah’s witnesses trying to push their opinion on me at my damn door now. Questioning me about my religion?

As if the ugly signs I was referring to weren’t enough, now they are driving onto my property, knocking on my doors. Handing me booklets called “Can You Trust The Bible?” after I just told him I had more confidence that the Earth would lose it’s gravitational pull, spiral out of orbit and create another BIG BANG than I did for anything coming to save us. I also threw in a bit about how I was actually looking forward to seeing aliens come down to grab a few specimens to bring up to mars, hell, i would volunteer…. but i have a theory that they have heard our transmissions, they were just bored and didn’t want to waste their time…..

I was also sure to inform him that my girl was a scientist, and I was currently illustrating a book about geology that begins with the BIG BANG… so of course I believe in evolution rather than creation. He begins giving me metaphors about people who counterfeit money ( “if you were a counterfeiter, and you were studying money, would you study the real thing or the counterfeits…..You would study the real thing right??? well, you see… that is how religion is… blah blah blah”

Whoa! Take a breath!

That is when I told him my house was getting cold from the door being open and I had to go.

Move on.

HOWEVER… before I closed the door, I thought to ask him if he knew who was responsible for the ugly white pvc signs in the yards. He told me it was the Pentecostals. So whatever that means.

I guess without him I wouldn’t have that tidbit of info for this post.

Nuts in a cup.

You walk into a restaurant or bar.

On the bar or at individual tables sometimes, is the cup or glass of nuts, or other small “handfull” oriented snacks. You reach in using all four of your fingers, scoop out a good mouthful of nuts. Go ahead and put em’ in your mouth… good?

Now… remember my earlier post about the Water Pissers? Well, those same people who take pride in how forcefully they piss INTO the urinal water- sprinkling piss all over themselves- leave the restroom (forgetting the fact that there is soap and water available) proceed to the bar- and make exactly the same scooping motion you did into the “public jar” of  “whatever” snack item!

You may as well just put your mouth ON the urinal. That shit is gross. My advice to you all is… steer clear of the “public nuts”.

The Soapy Sponge

Today, I would like to discuss the purpose of a sponge.

(To absorb, right?)

As Wikipedia states:A sponge is a tool consisting of porous material used for cleaning impervious surfaces. Sponges are especially good absorbers of water and water-based solutions.

GOOD ABSORBERS… unless, of course, it is already loaded up with soap when you pick it up to wipe something down. For example… You spill something, which requires immediate attention. What do you do? Run to the sink and pick up a sponge… a soapy waterlogged sponge. Now you are forced to take time to rinse the sponge while the spill is nearing the edge of the table… ready to drip all over the carpet. Once the sponge has been properly rinsed, and squeezed, it is once again ready to absorb…(primary function) so you get to the spill a second too late. Now there is wine or coffee all over the carpeting, and you are forced to clean up an even bigger mess than if the sponge was properly rinsed in the first place.

The Point: Rinse your sponges. Hot water and a few squeezes under the faucet should do the trick.

Pets do not belong in stores.

Now, I love my cats just as much as anyone could possibly love a pet. However, I don’t feel as though it would be necessary to pick my cat up and put it in a convenient carry bag to bring with me to the store to buy a pair of shoes or go grocery shopping… What is it with the novelty pets in bags? I mean, come on… how ridiculous is it that you need to pack up your tiny-ass little dog in a pink bag and bring it with you to the store? Leave the animals at home. Why should YOUR pet get special rights just cause it is small? If that’s the case, i see no problem bringing a ferret, or rat to the store too. Maybe you wouldn’t like to see someone with a ferret or rat in a store? hmmmm.  How ridiculous does this look.. seriously. 

 

Water Pissers

More often than not, when I use a public urinal or toilet, I have noticed the trend of men heavily pissing directly into the water of the urinal, as if it were a contest to see who can piss the loudest! Not only is this not necessary, but it is also the cause of the little splashy drops on your pants when you get out. (and we know it isn’t because you used the sink or anything…we all know you rarely do that)

 

Might I make a small suggestion of aiming a bit higher, and pissing to one side of the urinal or the other , letting the piss slowly drizzle down the back so we don’t have to hear it, or look at it once it is all over your pants when you get out!

 

And wash your damn hands, already… That’s just gross. Which brings me to another topic…but we’ll get into unsanitary handshakes later on!

Welcome To My First Post.

I wonder why this container full of popcorn is almost half full with candy coated caramel popcorn, and the other half is split with butter / cheese flavor! Is it the assumption that majority wants candy coated popcorn instead of cheese or butter flavored? What gives?

I personally would prefer the larger half be either cheese or butter! You know what?….just make everyone happy and put three even parts.